#TEE09 Tech*Ed and feeling guilty

Over the years I've had several reasons to feel guilty whilst attending Tech*Ed. For many years the conference co-incided with both my wife's birthday and our wedding anniversary - I missed 7 or 8 of those. Although on others she came to Amsterdam or Barcelona to celebrate there.

Many years ago I declined a request to be someone's godfather because the christening was whilst I was at Tech*Ed. But to be fair it was also because I thought they were desperately seeking a Catholic (much lapsed as I am), and I have 1 special godson, and I wanted to keep it 1:1 special.

But this year scales new depths of guilt for me. Just over a week ago a special woman, a friend and fellow Marillion fan (along with her husband Mark); Jayne died. Today, Monday is her funeral, and I won't be there. I've spoken to Mark quite a bit since, he knows why, understands and thinks I should be here too.

But I feel such a shit for not being there. Mark knows I am there in spirit, but...

Jayne's favourite Marillion song Beautiful is being played at her service. I'll be listening to that a few times today. If you are reading this do me a favour - hop over to Spotify or iTunes or www.marillion.com or whatever, find Beautiful (from Afraid of Sunlight) and hit play. And say a prayer for Jayne and her husband Mark. He'll be having a really shit day today - and I can't help feeling guilty for making it just a smidge worse...